either way he was missing a nipple.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
