woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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