I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
