His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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