i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
