how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
