woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
