you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
