Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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