Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
