maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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