she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
