i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
