dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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