Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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