i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
