I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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