Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
