before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
