i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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