Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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