yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
