They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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