overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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