i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Come see our sink grown plant.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
