I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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