if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
