I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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