Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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