YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
