I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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