You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
