Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
