they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
