I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
