yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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