new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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