I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
