i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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