whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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