I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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