my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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