somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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