he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
