i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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