the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
