Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The best revenge is premature balding
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
