take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
