so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
