Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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