mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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