His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
