my sisters under your porch take her home
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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