I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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