she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
