my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
